17th December 2019, a day I will never forget. The day before my impending life-threatening surgeries and my then 3-year-old autistic son comes to visit me at the hospital (if you can remember what pre-Covid times were like). I looked at him and couldn’t stop the tears streaming down my face.
Photography: Andy Dawson, award-winning UK photographer. (https://www.andrewdawsonphotography.co.uk/)
I spent the entire visit holding him so tightly, unsure if I’d live through the surgeries and see him again. If I didn’t make it, I had practical questions running through my head, have I left the finances in order for him? Did I iron his clothes for nursery? Would he wonder why I wasn’t at home when he comes home from nursery tomorrow?
Then I had some of the more sentimental questions run through my mind, I wondered what he would turn out like if I didn’t make it? Would he have any of my personality or traits? What impact would autism have on his life? Will he be able to have a good life and live independently? And being so young, would he even remember me?
I cannot remember the number of times I kissed and hugged him in that visit, but I will always remember the final kiss goodbye, unsure if I’d ever lay my eyes on him again. I tried so hard not to break down entirely, as he had no clue about what was happening and seeing me very upset would only upset him.
One of my family members (I forget who) took a photo from their phone of that final kiss goodbye. I didn’t realise it at the time, but that photo would remain etched in my memory for the rest of my existence. I watched him hold his grandad’s hand and they walked down the long hospital corridor. I didn’t take my eyes off of him, not even for a second. I thought, if I don’t make it, I will miss him the most. It was at that moment I decided that if I survived my impending and life-threatening medical ordeal, I will change my life; my purpose will be to serve him and others like him: the autistic community*.
Photography: Andy Dawson, award-winning UK photographer. (https://www.andrewdawsonphotography.co.uk/)
Needless to say, I survived the surgeries. And so my journey began to recover and think about how I reinvent myself utilizing the skills I had gained in my career to date, to help the autistic community. It was a long journey of discovery with few ups and many downs until the eureka moment struck. About 84% of autistic people in the UK are not in full-time paid employment because of barriers they face to enter the workforce or retain their job, with a lack of support for neurodivergent people.
That is the statistic I am advocating to change. With a background in Consulting and HR, I felt this was my arena to work in. So in 2020, I launched ‘Aubilities’ (stands for Autism+ Abilities) to help raise awareness, build acceptance and promote diversity within organisations, while helping the autistic community find meaningful and supported employment.
Then in 2022, I launched ‘Aupparels’ (Autism + Apparel), a clothing brand designed by autistic people, made for everyone – specializing in no labels and differing weight options to aid sensory needs. Then finally, I noticed a lack of purpose-built venues to celebrate the birthdays of autistic children, especially those born in the winter months, as indoor venues such as bowling, soft play, arcades can be triggers for many autistic children. So, for my son’s recent birthday (now 6), I erected a purpose-built outbuilding full of sensory wonderment and toys enjoyed by most autistic children.
Photography: Andy Dawson, award-winning UK photographer. (https://www.andrewdawsonphotography.co.uk/)
It’s only now I feel I am starting my journey in supporting the autistic community and I hope to do more in my lifetime with the support of family, friends, community and society.
Not everyone needs a near-death experience to realise their life’s true purpose. I’ve written this piece to share my experience and if it inspires even one person to lead a different life, one filled with more purpose and helping others, then I would call that success.
We’d love to hear from neurodivergent people, If you’re interested in influencing change, accessing and contributing to resources, hearing about job opportunities and connecting with other neurodivergent people, then JOIN US – www.aubilities.com/join-us/. Visit www.aupparels.com for clothing designed by autistic people, made for everyone. And get in touch with me personally (ritu@aubilities.com) if you live in Virginia Water or surrounding areas and would like to use our purpose-built outbuilding for autistic children’s birthday parties, or simply want to have a chat or provide feedback.
*What is autism?
Autism Spectrum Condition/Disorder is often characterized by differences in social interaction and communication and a possible tendency for repetitive behaviour. Although autism can be challenging, it can also result in brilliance. It is one of many neurological conditions that exist. Autistic people are considered ‘neurodivergent’ in that their brains operate differently in one or more ways than what is considered standard or typical (called ‘neurotypicals’).
